If you’ve listened to our latest episode on Traveling with Parents, you know that when we were in Iceland, my folks and I skipped the Blue Lagoon. The reasons we skipped it are simple: tickets were sold out weeks in advance and, to be honest, it was a little pricey for these budget travelers in comparison to time and money spent on other activities. Instead, we found a neighborhood hot pot facility and spent an evening soaking with the locals (which I realize, after rereading this sentence, makes me sound like a total hipster).
But, were I a true, off-the-beaten-path, authenticity-seeking, one-upping hipster traveler, there’s no way I would reveal these hum drum justifications. Instead, I probably would’ve casually referenced any one of the following activities that I did instead of visiting the tired Blue Lagoon:
- I tracked a herd of reindeer so I could milk them and learn to make artisanal cheese from a 107-year-old Icelandic cheesemonger.
- I knitted a wool cap out of yarn traipsed upon by fairies so I can wear it to Coachella where it’s 90 degrees.
- I chased a pod of whales on a speedboat to record their songs on vinyl so we can remember what they sound like after you “tourists” go and destroy their natural habitat.
- I hiked a glacier without crampons because if death is gonna come for me, why am I gonna fight it, man? Circle of life….
- These wildflowers I picked while I was living in the moment (unlike you a-holes who live life through your camera’s viewfinder) aren’t going to make themselves into flower crowns – gotta ship ‘em off to China so that kids with tiny hands can prep them for sale in my Etsy shop.
- I collected puffin tears to distill and make into bitters.
- I was busy taking credit for developing geothermal power – I’ve been harnessing energy generated and stored in the earth waaaaay before you were, Iceland – like, since 2009.
- I sat outside blindfolded during the Aurora Borealis and tried to hear the Northern Lights because, dude – anyone can see them, but can you hear their song?
- I called my parents for money from my trust fund because a spelt bagel with smoked trout costs like $20, which is still way cheaper than Brooklyn, brah. (Editor’s note: Joking aside, the $20 smoked trout spelt bagel is legit – and delicious!)
- I was Snapchatting…while luging.
- I opened a wood-fired, reindeer mozzarella pizza place/penny-farthing bike repair shop/co-working space in Greenland because Iceland is, like, sooooo 2016.
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